A letter on your day!

Dear wifey,

I still remember how I climbed to your hostel, despite tired legs just to celebrate your birthday. That was in 2010. We were still in college together then. Call it clandestine juvenile affairs of sorts. It was your first birthday with me.

photo credit: www.happyholidays2014.com

Since then years have passed and twice we celebrated together and this time around I am still missing. I would love to be in person to hug you tight. Say “How much you mean to me” with a whisper in your ears but it was never meant to be. I hope next time around I should make it.

I know and I am always grateful to have you in my life. I am more than happy. I can safely claim without inhibition, I am a grossly satisfied married man. And you are the reason for it.

This is a special day for you and because I love you, it is for me as well. But unfortunate that I am not around to cut that cake and light that butter lamp for you. My good wishes and prayers are always there for you by the way. Because I am away, my prayers are even more sincere and wishes more fervent.

It is hard even for me but sometimes these events are out of control. It is basically because life consists of bargains and tradeoffs. I believe this is one of them. I was also counting the days since my departure from you and at least about four long months have gone. So, it brings me closer to meeting you again.

It is your birthday; I wish I could take you to the market and ask you to choose a gift of your taste. I could also hide it and make you search all over the place. We could have a lot of fun. But again none of these can be done. I am guilty as charged. I take responsibility for my absence.

Never the less, I should let you know that your birthday was on my mind in December. I don’t know whether you may like it or not. It was a gesture on my part to say that you are there on my mind. It gives an immense sense of satisfaction when I can do something for you. That day when I bought it I was happy. 

Now go to our old bedroom and open the middle drawer of the small wardrobe. Inside that laptop bag you will find something. This is my birthday gift for you. If you smile while seeing it I am happy.

I know nothing can compensate my absence and I may sound too bullish but I am serious. To make amends I had to arrange so that you can have it on the eve. If you like what I sent, it is reason enough to be happy for me.

I know I can write a lot more words in your name but you taught me that few concrete actions are way better than many words; therefore I am now learning to cut down on my hollow words. Actually I started believing in that. If it was good it was you, if not I take the blame.

I am confident that by now you know that I would want you to be happy and healthy always, so Happy Birthday!!!I sign off with lots of love and kisses.

Sincerely

Your Husband

Valentines day is not so fun either........

picture credit:www.bestvalentinesday2014.com

As the clock ticked closer to 12 mid-night we were battling with struggling skype due to poor internet connection. It is 13th february and you may well guess why?. It is this years valentines eve and I am again away from you, my love. It is awful being away but life is like that. But more awful when internet puts the bar on your only good way of sharing love.

This is the 5th valentines day since we met and our 3rd away. Going by numbers it was too harsh. But in life to get one thing we need to fore go one another and its just an unintentional collateral damage although it is very hard.

Looking back I reminisce our first V-day. It was the most memorable for reasons nice and naughty. Whether it is valentines day or not our love had been as intense as ever. We lived in that child-like world even after more than 5 years. That is really a great reason to take stock of . Everyday was a valentines day, until now except for few misunderstandings as in any other relations. Our thoughts, emotions and feelings largely converge. Its a great sign.

Having so consoled myself yet I wish I could be by your side. I wish I open the gift that i have for you, I wish i could spread my arms to hug you. I wish I could kiss your forehead to say how much I love you.    

But if wishes were horses beggars like me would ride, therefore wishes remained wishes for the greater good of general scheme of things. 

Small it may be but I feel like giving you one. It was never impossible to do something that you would love to do. So, I said your small gift might reach you a bit late but it is on the way at the moment.

Although video chat was erratically worst, we managed to text chat. I wrote how desperately we would like to be by her side. She wrote how badly she missed me. I said how pissed off i am with the internet. 

I wrote "Happy valentines day" and " be my valentine for ever" and she said " yes I am yours". But folks; its no fun celebrating valentines on a virtual platform with reality being 1000's of miles away. But as always medicine might taste awful, everything happens for good. 

Happy Valentines Day!. There are no wrong days to celebrate love! Make everyday your valentines day! Enjoy it while it lasts!

Saying Happy New year is not so fun................

My Dear Nidup,

I thought I would write on your facebook wall to wish you Happy New Year. But i thought it was no use writing on the wall since a wall is not something that connects.  So I thought I can privately note in my blog, the space which I actually just reserved for you.

Exactly 2 hours and 32 minutes ago we did a count down. People started hugging each other and in the frenzy I got hugged also. It reminded me of the warmest of the hugs that I received in my life so far. Those hugs were from you. It reminded me your soft breath through my ears.

And yes this is the 4th year running that we have been in partnership and I learnt to appreciate some small things that means so much. Some big things that need to be left alone. I know I am an impatient brat, who loses cool so often. But whenever I think  of you, there is a sense of gratefulness in my heart that I was in fact fortunate. 

You came into my life and added one very big dimension. You added some sort of sense in why I have to live. You came in and guided how I live. That life was more fun and times flew away.

In my sincere memories our stay together was merely a snap of a finger. I didn't realize, our departure will come so soon. But It came with bang and brought a severe pain. As you may agree this is a part and parcel of life. We got to move on.

In the busy days of our life we didn't realize that the gap was slowly closing on us. There were high days and low days. On high days, we laughed until we hurt our tummy's. On low days, we would fight over a small matter and keep serious as if it was a law.

However it was like Tom and Jerry show. We fought, we loved, we laughed and we cried. In the end we still stuck together, as if there is only two people alive on earth. 

Today is new year and its festive all around but not really for me. Heart is where home is and happiness is where love is. Since my love is not around, I had no happiness.

Past one year had been the best part of my life so far. I didn't know my clothes had dirt. I didn't realize foods tasted bad. I never missed my breakfast and put on some weight despite being veg. Its because you literally fed me up. All in all i didn't walk alone.

You don't say things every time. You believe in "actions speak louder than words". You went out of your way to get me my winter jacket. Not just one, you let me have two. You silently tug in the photo frame, which is so priceless when I am alone in my room in Shimla.

Life cannot be better than this. Lets hope and pray and invest belief in our marriage. We can have wonderful years ahead. May the year bring in lots of pleasant surprises and happiness to you. Hats off to you, my darling! Loads of love and kisses from Shimla. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Sincerely Your Hubby!

This basic goodness of mankind..................

This is for you my dear!

Parting is a sweet sorrow! Shakespeare was right to say this, especially in the context of love. This is a sweet feeling, because it is a pain of missing a sweetest person of your life. It is a sorrow, because there is no other person or a thing on earth to replace the warm vacuum that has been created.

It’s been more than a year now being in this most intimate relationship. And I saw relations turn familial taxed social institutions, yes with my own eyes but this is not the sort of a thing with mine. I saw my friends dealing with their so called better halves in a sort of a matter of fact thing. When they talk they talk business and even mean business. This they say happens after sometime, there is no specific time frame as such but they say especially after the achievement of the most coveted treasure.

However we have even completed this stage, I mean a year ago. Since then a lot of days and nights have passed with or without. And we are still very much smooched. I still remember very vividly how I have made a long call through the night to propose her. This late night call thing started since then. This we fondly refer to as the romantic call. Not for nothing this is called a romantic call. There are reasons.

This is a romantic call in many aspects. I often make this call deliberately after 11pm. No man makes a business call at this time. This ought to be a romantic time. I never disturb my mom at this time even if I have a reason other than an emergency. But I make this call to her, I have a hunch that this never disturbs her; in fact this delights her or me for that matter. We especially make this call at this time to have a satisfactory talk time as there is a concession of rates after 11pm.

Once you are in the bed after all days works, you are so relaxed and very much energized with romanticism, then you make the call. You get the same delighted answer from the other end of the line. So there is a romance online. Most of the time you happen to be awake to see old day melting into new day, because you call through midnight till early hours of the next day. This is such a rare occasion when you are a bachelor. This is such a wonderful experience. I personally like it and sometimes wish days classes be called off…ha ha that’s a childish whim again.

I talked many such talks over the cell phone until balances exhausted. Every other night cell balance reaches the lowest allowable minimum. Till this day I enjoy this late night calls and hope I can do it some more I don’t know how long but yes I will. I talk love. I talk dreams. I talk life. Talk every other thing on earth, every beautiful thing but the topic never seems to exhaust.

What John Keats meant in his “a thing of beauty is a joy for ever” is this that I feel right now. Any thing can be a thing of beauty as the term beauty itself is a subjective topic. But I have my own justifications for my concept of beauty and that I have found in her.

But when romance is high there is this paradox of time. It is a frustrating time to stay away from the person you love at a ripe age and especially when you are truly in love. When you are together time seems to fly, not even run but fly because those moments are so magical that you do not feel the sense of time. I mean it’s like a true escapism (getting lost in the world of your fancy). People say imagination and reality are two separate things but for me it became quite synonymous, I couldn’t separate between the two, because wonderful things happen in reality especially when you give yourself totally in.

In close relation to this what K5 told was quite right, that in what ever you do give in 200%. But he never said it would be wonderful, he left this for us to see for ourselves. This is one great lesson that I have learnt; when you play you play but when you work do not play at all. In whatever you do give in all you have there is wonder in that. But take caution in being mindful.

Seems I am drifting away by philosophies; one week looked like just few hours. Time is too fleeting when you are together. Togetherness comes to an end like opening your eyes out of the beautiful dream. But when you are away from each other time shows its true length if not more lengthy. You literally feel the tick of time in its own right. One second at a time. Time never seems to move fast. It never seems to bring the great together time back. You tear down your hair a thousand times before love birds can croon together. You do not have the right and power to decide the fate. You cannot do anything as you like it. You have to conform to the tyranny of the social norms. You have to do the right thing at the right time that the society thinks right.

In love everyone is a like a child. They cry sincerely from the heart. They play playfully without a dearth of hesitation. They give without a spec of expectation. And for me this is the wonderful basic goodness in mankind that I have experienced myself.

Time separates us but at heart we never part. Time again brings us back together we gratefully enjoy. This love has added a lot more meaning to my life. From this relation I tried to relate to other relationships and it works wonderfully. Love is responsible if I am altogether a different man, because now I can feel the difference. And I dedicate the virtues to love and human wonder. For inspiring thank you my love. I am writing this for you because this story is inspired by you. It seems I have to keep it here to continue, these summer house flies are humming sweet……..let me take time out to listen if I can understand the lyrics...

Message to My Love

I know I will fail, not to love you but to say how much I love you. Love is such a wonderful feeling. Wonderful because you forget the fact that there is death; come whatever may but you still want to continue. Love is a universal emotion. Every one loves and loves to be loved. If my heart has its own dictionary then I would write you what my love for you looks like. Sadly Everytime I try expressing my love feelings I fail miserably, because the bountiful feeling do not find equal words to paint the right picture. Here this way let me once more try to say " How much I love you my dear".

Sometimes the way things happen are quite weird, you dont know why they actually happen. First time I saw you in the college, somewhere within me I felt like seeing a long lost intimate friend again. But the reality is your memory doesn't support you; no you havent met her either, forget being intimate friends, and yes thats the ultimate truth. You happened to be a complete stranger till this point, in this life time. But somewhere, somehow I felt a faint feeling of closeness to you. I am a devout buddhist, we buddhists believe in karma; the life after death; the rebirth and continuation of karmic relations of previous lives. In dzongkha we call it "ley Namkoe" which roughly translates to fate. Another equivalent word could be " Tshengoen ley thro" continuation of previous lives. Yes I think it is this continuation that brought us in the same college despite being born in different parts of the country.

Somewhere from within I deeply feel , yes we have a Karmic relation. No longer we saw eachother we paired up but sadly I had just two semesters to stay with you. But then I didn't realize that a semester was quite short a time for love birds like us.I had a responsibility besides my studies, so most of the time I had to be busy. The opportunity had been slipping out of my hand, you wanted time out. But sadly I was quite ignorant, until the day you sms'd me with a tag "busy man", that sms was the alarm, it made me feel bad. I found time to reflect on that and yes perhaps you were right. I devoted a precious portion of my time to the discharge of my responsibilities which actually did not have any tangible benefits to my personal life at the end of the day. Eating my time which i could have spent with my better half. 

Deep within me yes I had such a feeling for you. Words thats I said through the midnight over the phone were mere stories If not coupled with equal gesture; somemore dinners out,somemore romantic walks, somemore small love gifts. I thought then I needed more time for my personal enrichment, by then the exams drew quite close. Time was against me, I lost my war with time. 

How should I say I love you; After one year of continued romantic calls, romantic days together, I still feel I haven't done enough. Sometimes we would have talked over the phone to such an extent that our phone batteries are totally out. After hours of calls I still feel I have not finished saying how so much I loved you. Sadly with the exams brought an end to my college stay, then I started to feel bad for not capitalizing on the little time that I had.

But right now as I look at my life through the microscope of  romanticism, I feel that I have achieved one special goal of my life. I met with the person I loved. Still dont know the reason why I love you. But I know I love you more than anything else. May be that is what people mean by unconditional love. This is the charm of a loving relationship. If I love you based on your looks, looks are going to change, not to remain forever. If I love you based on your personality, personality traits can be inconsistant. If I love you based on your family back ground thats not true because it is you who is important. Even today after a year of lovely journey I cannot trace the root. I love you because I love you, no other reason.

I will love you come whatever may. When we were together hours used to be too short, cold winds used to be very romantic, drenching rains used to be full of fun. Lunch out on a roof top is still haunting my mind.Sadly I had to depart with my heart and soul when I left Gaeddu college but to be reunited time and again but very briefly.

Yewon! the passionate name by which I always like to call you by, tsagyem which I fondly refer to you over the phone. Nidup! the Name that can call me back even after I die. I will love you even If you were a poor village lady, I will love you even If you have nothing, I will love you even if you were  blind. For the love that I have for you there is no condition, no references, no restrictions, no rules, no reqirements. I know that my life is what I can make out of it. 

Let me tell you that you came into my life with many positive things. If not for you; I would not have appreciated the preciousness of my minutes; beauty of love;worth of life itself. In a way you taught me that together world is beautiful, together pains are nothing, together dreams can be realized add charm to human relationships.

You have now created such a void that you alone must fill. The thought of you stabilizes my frustrations, enriches my feelings, arouses my love. You are an integral part of my life that now I cant imagine life without you.After saying this much I again feel I couldnt say even half what my heart has, I LOVE YOU! My DeAr AnGeL!!!
This way I am trying to say how much dearly I loved you, love you and will be loving you. This is a small effort on my part to begin the year with a lovely message to you but I dont how lovely It has been. I need to thank you for being such a sweet partner for last so many days, months. I also would like say here" you are the only person with whom i have shared the most intimate relationship of my life because you have deserved it". I Love you!!! Love you!!! Love you. For me you are the sweetest of all the people that I have met so far in my life. Muah!
Namdrup