Thursday, December 23, 2010

Message to My Love

I know I will fail, not to love you but to say how much I love you. Love is such a wonderful feeling. Wonderful because you forget the fact that there is death; come whatever may but you still want to continue. Love is a universal emotion. Every one loves and loves to be loved. If my heart has its own dictionary then I would write you what my love for you looks like. Sadly Everytime I try expressing my love feelings I fail miserably, because the bountiful feeling do not find equal words to paint the right picture. Here this way let me once more try to say " How much I love you my dear".

Sometimes the way things happen are quite weird, you dont know why they actually happen. First time I saw you in the college, somewhere within me I felt like seeing a long lost intimate friend again. But the reality is your memory doesn't support you; no you havent met her either, forget being intimate friends, and yes thats the ultimate truth. You happened to be a complete stranger till this point, in this life time. But somewhere, somehow I felt a faint feeling of closeness to you. I am a devout buddhist, we buddhists believe in karma; the life after death; the rebirth and continuation of karmic relations of previous lives. In dzongkha we call it "ley Namkoe" which roughly translates to fate. Another equivalent word could be " Tshengoen ley thro" continuation of previous lives. Yes I think it is this continuation that brought us in the same college despite being born in different parts of the country.
Somewhere from within I deeply feel , yes we have a Karmic relation. No longer we saw eachother we paired up but sadly I had just two semesters to stay with you. But then I didn't realize that a semester was quite short a time for love birds like us.I had a responsibility besides my studies, so most of the time I had to be busy. The opportunity had been slipping out of my hand, you wanted time out. But sadly I was quite ignorant, until the day you sms'd me with a tag "busy man", that sms was the alarm, it made me feel bad. I found time to reflect on that and yes perhaps you were right. I devoted a precious portion of my time to the discharge of my responsibilities which actually did not have any tangible benefits to my personal life at the end of the day. Eating my time which i could have spent with my better half. 
Deep within me yes I had such a feeling for you. Words thats I said through the midnight over the phone were mere stories If not coupled with equal gesture; somemore dinners out,somemore romantic walks, somemore small love gifts. I thought then I needed more time for my personal enrichment, by then the exams drew quite close. Time was against me, I lost my war with time. 
How should I say I love you; After one year of continued romantic calls, romantic days together, I still feel I haven't done enough. Sometimes we would have talked over the phone to such an extent that our phone batteries are totally out. After hours of calls I still feel I have not finished saying how so much I loved you. Sadly with the exams brought an end to my college stay, then I started to feel bad for not capitalizing on the little time that I had.

But right now as I look at my life through the microscope of  romanticism, I feel that I have achieved one special goal of my life. I met with the person I loved. Still dont know the reason why I love you. But I know I love you more than anything else. May be that is what people mean by unconditional love. This is the charm of a loving relationship. If I love you based on your looks, looks are going to change, not to remain forever. If I love you based on your personality, personality traits can be inconsistant. If I love you based on your family back ground thats not true because it is you who is important. Even today after a year of lovely journey I cannot trace the root. I love you because I love you, no other reason.
I will love you come whatever may. When we were together hours used to be too short, cold winds used to be very romantic, drenching rains used to be full of fun. Lunch out on a roof top is still haunting my mind.Sadly I had to depart with my heart and soul when I left Gaeddu college but to be reunited time and again but very briefly.
Yewon! the passionate name by which I always like to call you by, tsagyem which I fondly refer to you over the phone. Nidup! the Name that can call me back even after I die. I will love you even If you were a poor village lady, I will love you even If you have nothing, I will love you even if you were  blind. For the love that I have for you there is no condition, no references, no restrictions, no rules, no reqirements. I know that my life is what I can make out of it. 
Let me tell you that you came into my life with many positive things. If not for you; I would not have appreciated the preciousness of my minutes; beauty of love;worth of life itself. In a way you taught me that together world is beautiful, together pains are nothing, together dreams can be realized add charm to human relationships.
You have now created such a void that you alone must fill. The thought of you stabilizes my frustrations, enriches my feelings, arouses my love. You are an integral part of my life that now I cant imagine life without you.After saying this much I again feel I couldnt say even half what my heart has, I LOVE YOU! My DeAr AnGeL!!!
This way I am trying to say how much dearly I loved you, love you and will be loving you. This is a small effort on my part to begin the year with a lovely message to you but I dont how lovely It has been. I need to thank you for being such a sweet partner for last so many days, months. I also would like say here" you are the only person with whom i have shared the most intimate relationship of my life because you have deserved it". I Love you!!! Love you!!! Love you. For me you are the sweetest of all the people that I have met so far in my life. Muah!
Namdrup

1 comment: